GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
