the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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