where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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