Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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