Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
