Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
