distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize