Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
