your parents love me but you hate me
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
