thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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