I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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