Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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