god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize