so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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