Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
