i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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