I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
