I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize