Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
