shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize