what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
