Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
