I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
