I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
