My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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