This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
