There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
