I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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