I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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