I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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