I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
