Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
wow bdsm is so cute
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
