that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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