So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
