On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
