so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
