All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
