If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I want a musical about memes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
