I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
