Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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