He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
