she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
