she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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