U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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