who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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