The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
