I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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