his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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