dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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