Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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