Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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