I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
