I wish I could teleport
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
