Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
