i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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