i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
