I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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