Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
accomplished twins. life is a go
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
