How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
