I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
