My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize