I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im holly from the hills drunk
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
