It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
