Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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