Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
