Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
