dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize