hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
