i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think my vagina is haunted
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
