I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
