Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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