and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
