can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
