You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
