Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
