When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
