last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
