kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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