Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize