You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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