Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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