Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize