jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize