He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
